Every year, Marvel Comics introduces new heroes and villains to their ever-growing roster, and it’s safe to say that not every power is amazing. Some are downright awful, ranging from gross to terrifying and anything else one can think of. Unfortunately, it’s the nature of the (comic book) beast, as not every hero can get the best and shiniest powers — that would make for a boring adventure, and Marvel aims to be anything but boring. As such, Marvel has introduced plenty of heroes and villains with disappointing, dangerous, or outright useless powers, and these are some of the worst of them.
Everyone dreams of having strength like Captain America or flight like Storm, but for every hero with an amazing ability set, there are ten more with lackluster mutations. Just look at the X-Men or Inhumans roster, and it’s not hard to spot an upset character who has had to make do with the strange powers they’ve been given. On the bright side, this has paved the way for some memorable and beloved characters, including Squirrel Girl, Glob Herman, and many more. Their odd abilities are what let them stand out (though a good creative team behind the scenes doesn’t hurt, either).
Angelo Espinosa is a mutant with a rather unfortunate mutation. Angelo’s mutation gave him about six extra feet worth of skin on his body. This extra skin can stretch, deform, wrap, expand, you name it. But it took Angelo, aka Skin, years to master his ability. When he’s not concentrating, Angelo’s skin sags, giving him a distinctly melted candle look (it’s as unsettling as it sounds). When he puts his mind to it, Skin can pull his skin inward to make him look like himself. He can also do more extraordinary things with the extra skin, like grow spikes. The idea of stabbing somebody with nothing but skin sounds pretty awful, but at least Skin is doing his best to work with what his mutation gave him.
Once upon a time, Eldrac was an Inhuman politician, and while he was no member of the Inhuman Royal Family, he served a purpose. Unfortunately, the Terrigen Mist doesn’t have much need for a politician without a faction, so when Eldrac became redundant, he found himself transformed. He became Eldrac the Door, a portal built into Attilan. As Eldrac the Door, he was responsible for ensuring safe transportation for the Inhumans. As such, when Attilan was attacked, Eldrac opened the doors and got every citizen to safety. Every citizen except for one, since Eldrac cannot move from his spot. He survived, but that had more to do with luck, as it’s not like a door has the best defensive abilities.
As we’ve already mentioned, not every superpower can be amazing or extreme. The manga/anime My Hero Academia helped drive this point home, giving characters all sorts of quirks, including some that are barely worthwhile. Enter Marvel’s Spider-Island event, in which Jackal was trying to give everyone in Manhattan powers (sort of, they were going to start with Spider-Man’s skillset before morphing into arachnid monsters). Thankfully, Reed Richards was there to save the day. He gave everyone in Manhattan a vaccine of sorts, as he realized only those without superpowers were affected. Thus, everyone in Manhattan who didn’t already have power gained the ability to always know which way was North. Yeah, not super exciting, but at least they’re not giant arachnids.
Gabriel Cohuelo, aka Velocidad, is one of Marvel’s many speedsters — at a glance. He looks like he’s speeding around the world, when in reality, Gabriel is actually slowing down the time around him, giving him the appearance of moving quickly. This form of localized time manipulation can still be quite useful, as Gabriel himself isn’t affected by the slowing down that naturally occurs around him. Unfortunately, there is a pretty big and negative effect to this ability, as Gabriel ages every time he uses it. This is a problem considering he got stuck in his state of “superspeed” the first time he tried to use it.
By all appearances, Carol Campbell hit the jackpot with her superpower. She can ignite herself at will, setting her entire body on fire. However, unlike the Human Torch, Carol has zero immunity to flames. That’s right, she can set herself on fire all she wants, but it’s not exactly good for her health. Naturally, Carol refuses to use her powers, as doing so could prove fatal. Carol now lives on the fringes of mutant society, with some mutants looking down at her, believing she’s ashamed of her heritage. In reality, she’s just trying to stay alive and out of pain.
Ulysses Archer, aka U.S. Archer, is a hero from another time. He hailed from a time in comics when superheroes didn’t always need a flashy power to get attention, and that may explain a thing or two. Ulysses Solomon Archer was seriously injured in a car accident, and that could have spelled the end of his superhero journey, but it didn’t. Instead, he had part of his head replaced with an experimental alloy. This gave him lethal head-butting powers and the power to pick up CB Radio Transmissions (with his head). Okay, it’s not the flashiest power, and it gets worse. Ulysses is extremely vulnerable to magnets and other electronic scrambling devices, which can effectively put him down. His power isn’t what most people would consider worth that serious downside.
Bailey Hoskins, aka X-Ceptional, is possibly one of the more famous mutants. Well, he’s famous for having an awful mutation, that is. Bailey Hoskins is often referred to as the Worst X-Man Ever, as that’s his comic debut. It also kind of suits his ability, as Bailey Hoskins has the unique ability to self-detonate, and according to Beast, he can even control the force and size of the explosion. That would be mighty useful in battle if not for one teeny tiny little problem: Bailey has virtually no way of surviving the blast. That’s right, Bailey’s mutation, if used, will kill him. And it did, in the same comic series he debuted in. Bailey has since appeared on Earth-616, though Marvel never outright stated such. Here’s hoping things are going better for him this time around.
Admittedly, there are times when Marvel intentionally makes heroes (or villains) with horrible powers. Sometimes, it’s to prove a point or make a joke. In the case of Fluff, he hails from a highly satirical series (X-Statix and X-Cellent), so it’s safe to guess why he was created. His real name is unknown, Fluff can generate as much belly button lint as he wants. Yes, really. It sounds utterly useless, and it probably would be, if not for the second half of his mutation, which lets him alter the chemical state of the lint. So he can make smoke grenades, explosives, and other useful bits. It’s still pretty gross, and it’s limited by his creativity. On the bright side, what Fluff lacks in awesome powers, he makes up for in confidence, so that’s something, right?
J. Pennington Pennypacker is one of several heroes to rise up in NFL Superpro (1992). He, alongside several other people, was experimented on at Camp Runamuck, a camp meant to help people with their self-esteem, ironic, right? Well, as it turns out, it was being run by an evil scientist trying to perfect his machine that would grant superpowers. He nailed it, except for the fact that he couldn’t control the powers. J. Pennington Pennypacker gained the ability to generate and hurl pennies from his wrist, turning them into high-impact projectiles. Why did the power end up being so similar to his name? Comic book magic. He dubbed himself the Almighty Dollar and helped to take down the evil scientist, so that’s something.
Xabi, aka ForgetMeNot, arguably has the worst superpower in Marvel Comics. Why? Because it stinks and forces the hero into isolation. ForgetMeNot’s ability is known as umemorability, which is just a fancy way of saying that nobody can remember him. This isn’t a case of Xabi being able to pick and choose who can and cannot remember him, as literally anybody who stops looking at Xabi will forget about his existence. It’s so bad that Xavier had to install an hourly mental reminder to ensure he remembers the hero. To make matters worse, ForgetMeNot’s abilities work on a psionic level, as basic psychic searches can’t find him. Likewise, machines struggle to detect him, which is a blessing and a curse. Despite not being well-remembered, ForgetMeNot has given his life to the cause, though he was most recently revived by the Five at Krakoa.
Every year, Marvel Comics introduces new heroes and villains to their ever-growing roster, and it’s safe to say that not every power is amazing. Some are downright awful, ranging from gross to terrifying and anything else one can think of. Unfortunately, it’s the nature of the (comic book) beast, as not every hero can get Read More